Steven, you poor sweet fool…

I was wary of this episode from the moment I heard the title – partly because I think Fruits Basket has made me leery of that concept in general, but also because I knew Steven was due to mess up sooner or later, and I figured Connie would be involved somehow.  I was still not prepared.

Steven: Did establishing democracy across the galaxy get you excited about politics?

Connie: Maybe. But as far as long term career goals go, I’m thinking more down to Earth. Wow, fifteen minutes went fast.

Steven: Aw, these study breaks are so short.

She’s already figuring out her major – I didn’t get around to that until my sophomore year of college!  She certainly seems like the sociology type, although I couldn’t say for sure about polisci, not knowing any personally.

Steven: That’s really far…

And it seems he’s still dealing with the pink glowy issue, even if he’s mostly been keeping it to himself lately.

Anyhow, he discovers Garnet downstairs right when she’s ready to “split”, but Ruby invites him along as she and Sapphire are teaching separate classes.

Ruby: So what did you want to talk about?

Steven: Every time I’m talking with Connie, I just realize that she knows exactly what she wants to do with her life, and I don’t. When we’re Stevonnie, I feel ready for anything, but on my own, I feel lost and stuck. I- Ruby, what do I want?

Ruby: Wow, that’s a tough one.

Steven: I know! Connie will probably go far away for college, and I’m gonna stay here, not knowing what to do, and so far from her! I wanna stay with her, like you and Sapphire. Wait – all I wanna do, is be with Connie. So maybe that means that Connie is my future!

Then Ruby suggests proposing to Connie and STEVEN PLEASE STOP AND ACTUALLY THINK FOR A MOMENT.

Ruby: Don’t say you haven’t thought about it.

Steven: I…of course I have.

Ruby: Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it!

I mean, of course he’s THOUGHT about it, he loves weddings, but maybe try asking Connie to (officially) be your girlfriend first BEFORE you jump to marriage?  Then again, it is consistent with how he’s always treated romance in the past…

On Ruby’s advice, he seeks Sapphire’s counsel…and gets more or less the same thing.

Sapphire: Do you understand, Steven? My marriage with Ruby, our fusion as Garnet, eluded my future vision, defied every odd, and changed the course of time. We can write equations in the sand all day, but a wave of chance can just come crashing in and wash it all away. Love. It’s unquantifiable. Even with my clairvoyance, I know better than anyone that true love makes the impossible, possible. Do it, Steven. Do it. Do it!

Steven: Yeah, yeah! Alright, friends. Take a good look at this guy while you can, cause today may be his last day as Steven Quartz Cutiepie Demayo Diamond Universe!

I do love how he adopted both of his parents’ family names from both of their “lives” – their given names and their chosen names.  But seriously, if you consulted JUST ONE human being, they would warn you about teen marriage.

THE CAKE IS A LIE!

Steven is just so adorable and he can be so romantic when he wants to be but SOMEONE STOP HIM BEFORE HE GETS HURT.

Steven: Connie, let’s go for a walk. I’m sure you could use some fresh air.

Connie: I would love to, but-

Steven: No no no! Don’t worry. We’ll go with Lion, and I promise you’ll be back in fifteen minutes.

My poor heart…

Steven: You remember the first time we met?

Connie: You mean when you were trying to ride your bike on the sand, and you ran away screaming?

Steven: Yeah, exactly! I was trying everything to get your attention.

Connie: I’m pretty sure I was totally focused on my book and didn’t see anything.

Steven: Well, that all happened right here.

Connie: Steven, this is…

Steven: I remember it like it was yesterday.

Connie: This is so cute.

Steven: Connie, there’s something very important that I want to say to you today.

Then he starts serenading her with a guitar (because he’s too grown up for a ukulele now) and I can’t.

I'd rather be tall
 I'd rather be smart
 I'd rather be sure you know I care
 Wherever you go
 Whatever you start
 I'd rather be sure you know I'm there
 I'd rather I always be a part of whatever you do
 I'd rather be me with you
 Wherever we go
 I already trust
 I'd know what to do if it were us
 I'd know what to say
 I'd know how to be
 I'd know your entire syllabus
 I can't think of anything in the world I would rather do
 If I could be, I'd rather be me with you

WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE SO ADORABLE?

Steven: Connie, will you marry me?

Connie: What?

Steven: Let’s get married and live as Stevonnie!

Connie: What?

Connie: Steven, maybe we should talk about this first?

Steven: I know you might think I’m being sentimental, but this makes sense! For example, I don’t know what you’ve been studying, but Stevonnie does! We can go to college together!

I get the impression she was expecting some sort of romantic proposal, just not, you know, MARRIAGE.  Or fusing for the rest of their lives.

Connie: Steven, come on. We’re really young.

Steven: You- you don’t want to be Stevonnie with me?

Connie: Of course I do, but I want to be my own person, too.

Steven: Well, yeah, but…is…is it a no?

Connie: It’s a not now, Steven.

THIS SHOW

Steven: But, if we’re sure that we’re gonna spend our lives together, why not say it now?

Connie: We’ve got plenty of time. Don’t worry.

Steven: I’m not worried, I’m just…happy to be with you, that’s all.

Then Connie’s study alarm interrupts and of course Steven tells her she should get back home and WHY DO YOU DO THESE THING THAT YOU DO?

And of course he starts tearing up as soon as she leaves and STEVEN IT’S OKAY TO NOT BE OKAY.

Steven: I don’t get it. Ruby and Sapphire said I should go for it…

Garnet: You can’t trust love advice from those two hopeless romantics.

Steven: Why didn’t you stop me?

Garnet: There was no future where you didn’t propose to Connie.

Steven: Of course.

Garnet: Your soulmate is your complement, not your missing piece. Ruby and Sapphire love being together, but they each have their own individual lives. Whatever hole there is in your life, Steven, I want you to understand that Connie – Stevonnie – won’t be able to fill it.

He thought that he could escape his little identity crisis by living as someone else, but of course that could never be a long-term solution – he’d still be falling apart, and it would only take down Connie with him.  The very fact that he thought she would go along with whatever he wanted out of the relationship says a lot about his priorities.  Again, it’s understandable for a teenage boy, and especially for Steven, but this is why it’s a good idea to check in with other people before you make any life-changing decisions.

Steven: It’s just that you-you make it look so easy! I mean, I hate to say it, but this is kind of your fault for being so- so perfect!

Garnet: I know you’re upset, Steven.

Steven: Well maybe shoving this adorable cake in my face will make me feel better.

Garnet: It really, really won’t.

Steven: I’m doing it anyway!

Garnet: I know.

Until next time…