It’s fine! I’m fine, I’m fine, really it’s fine…
This episode is filler of the finest quality. Not only does it kind of serve a purpose (letting us spend a little time with Rainbow Quartz 2.0 and Sunstone), but the humor actually works as the insanity mounts and it still feels very true to Steven’s character (even if some of the others, particularly Garnet, feel a little off, but even that’s explained by the end!)
It turns out Onion has upgraded his obsession from Steven to Rainbow Quartz, who has the same gentle spirit but more rainbows and sparkles and general magic (with which they occasionally attempt to herd Onion into doing what they want him to).
Rainbow Quartz: It’s been so fun playing, but now we have to clean! Which is also fun!
The Mary Poppins is strong with this one. But sadly, not strong enough for Onion. And unfortunately, Steven conveniently forgot about a commitment he made to run a safety “geminar” as Sunstone, and for some reason Garnet is lost without him. So he leaves Pearl to the tender mercies of Onion.
Garnet: Steven, help. I think I’m scaring them.
Sunstone remains the cheesiest thing ever and yet they’re still a little cool anyway, in a very dorky way.
Anyhow, Pearl is still having trouble with Onion, so Steven starts going back and forth between babysitting Onion as Rainbow and teaching a class as Sunstone. You see where this is going.
Pearl: It’s getting really weird here…Steven, you were never like this! You were such a good kid! I’m so sorry I never told you that – I can hear him, but I can’t see him! I think he’s in the walls! I don’t know how he got there, and I don’t know how to get him out!
You poor fool. You thought you could tame Onion.
So he runs back to rescue Pearl, again.
Because this is totally normal behavior for a child and not a power hungry little gremlin with a bizarre obsession!
Rainbow Quartz: Why play with sharp objects when you can play with my sharp wit? Crack jokes, not cookie jars, as I always say!
Honestly, Onion might even be too much for Rainbow. Especially when Steven’s attention is so divided. So he attempts to multitask!
Garnet: You shouldn’t have brought him here, Steven.
Steven: No, no, it’s fine! It’s good! No one needs safety training more than Onion! I’m combining all of my responsibilities into one responsibility! It’s brilliant! It’s fine! I’m fine, I’m fine, really it’s fine…
Why yes, Steven IS losing it! And proceeds to lose the Gem students, too.
Because of course Onion would be his downfall. Or at least theirs.
Garnet: Steven, quick! Sunstone can save them!
Sunstone: Oh yeah!
Pearl: No, let Rainbow save them!
Amethyst: Hey, wait! I need Steven!
Steven: What is it Amethyst?
Amethyst: I just miss you, man! I haven’t seen you for, like, eleven minutes!
I love this show.
Steven: I shouldn’t have overbooked my schedule…
Of course Steven isn’t actually dead. It’s all just a demonstration courtesy of Sunstone!
Sunstone: Hey, kids! Don’t let this happen to you! Always try to manage your time wisely! You can’t be everywhere at once. Don’t pull a Steven, am I right?
This is an ideal comedy episode, because it’s one where you genuinely can’t tell where it’s going from one scene to the next (only partly because Garnet is a tad out of character). It is absurd and kind of brilliant in the final reveal that it was essentially a “what-if” scenario.
Until next time…