Steven continues to push away everyone that might be able to help him.
Pearl: You can’t just disappear for days without telling us!
Jasper: My Diamond can do as he pleases.
Amethyst: Wait, what?
That whole ordeal with Jasper evidently just convinced Steven that he can’t keep himself from hurting anyone, so he doesn’t even try to engage with the Crystal Gems, just making a beeline for the warp pad.
Steven: You guys, I love you, but you can’t help me anymore. I’ve been avoiding the only people in the entire universe who can. Please, don’t follow me. You too, Jasper. Find something better to do with your life.
Garnet: Steven! Remember, we’ll always be your family.
And with that, he’s off to Homeworld.
He first runs into Spinel, who’s conveniently available to shuttle him around the premises.
Steven: I need to talk to the Diamonds.
Spinel: No kidding! You never call, you never write…
It turns out there’s been more of a change than just democratic elections on Homeworld – the Diamonds themselves have reformed quite a bit. Yellow has been working to put her fusion experiments back to normal, both by painstakingly figuring out what shards go where and using her powers to return them to their old forms.
But Steven isn’t exactly in a mood (or situation) to appreciate the strides she’s made.
Steven: My Diamond powers have been causing scary changes in my body. I’ve been growing really large, and I don’t know what to do.
Yellow Diamond: Well, I can definitely help with that! Hold still.
Steven: No! I don’t want to be small!
Yellow: Oh! Forgive the misunderstanding. There! You can be as large as you want!
Steven: I don’t want to be large, either! I just want to be me!
Yellow: What has gotten into you? If anything’s out of proportion, it’s your temper! You can be big if you want to, or you can be small if you want to, but if you’re going to be upset no matter what, this problem isn’t physical, it’s emotional. Go see Blue. That’s her department.
Blue Diamond has similarly been finding ways to use her powers for good.
Blue Diamond: Back before you came into my life, Steven, I wanted everyone to feel the pain I felt. I realized I must make up for my awful behavior by bringing joy to others. In that moment, my tears vaporized into these clouds, bringing pure joy to all those who came into contact with them.
Then she breaks into a song that’s sweet and honestly a tad Steven-y…
While Steven literally shoves the happiness away. I mean I’ve, totally been there before, but it still hurts to watch.
Steven: You can’t just magically make me feel better!
Blue: Yes I can! That’s literally my new power.
Steven: I don’t want to feel better, I want to be better!
Blue: I found happiness. If that’s not something you think you deserve, then I suspect this may be an issue of self-worth.
Because the physical and emotional distress he’s been dealing with are only an outgrowth of his inner turmoil. So of course he has to confront White.
But it turns out that even White is trying to change for the better (even if her voice and gigantic form will never allow her to look anything less than an intergalactic tyrant).
Spinel: Isn’t it great? Instead of taking control of other Gems, now she can channel our thoughts into her body! So we can control her instead!
Honestly, it’s still pretty freaky, but you know, less awful than stealing peoples’ free will.
Steven: I’ve been getting more powerful. New Diamond powers are coming out every day, and it’s scaring me.
White Diamond: Oh, Steven. So many would dream of having your power, yet it only worries you.
Steven: I’m scared I’m gonna hurt people! I-I guess I already have.
Yeah, no matter how much she’s changed, I cannot blame Steven for not wanting her touching his Gem. And, of course, all the changes on Homeworld are part of the problem. He thought he knew what to expect, but the other Diamonds are actually moving forward now while he’s still a mess, and it’s frustrating for him on multiple levels.
Steven: Woah! This is so weird! I’m-I’m- I’m a Diamond. This is the last thing I needed to see! I don’t wanna be you! I don’t want to be anything like you! Why won’t you just go away?
He still wants to lash out at the Diamonds. Even though he knows they’re his family and they care about him (now), he can’t bring himself to forget the abuse he suffered at their hands. And then he suddenly realizes that he’s actually controlling White Diamond now…
White: What’s going on? What…stop it! I don’t like this!
Steven: Too bad.
White: Please! You’re scaring me!
Steven: This is for everything you’ve put me through!
He tries to smash her head into a pillar, only for her to break free at the last moment. And he’s naturally horrified at what he just tried to do, so he runs off. Again.
Yellow: Let us help you!
Blue: We’re your family!
Steven: Please, don’t follow me.
Because he now knows that not only is he capable of hurting the Diamonds now, but he actually cares about them, too. So now he’s on his way home to the people he should have opened up to in the first place, but now he’s hurt one more person he thought was untouchable.
Until next time…