The stage is set for Class 2-D’s play, but Yuki and the narrator seem to be the only people who care about fidelity to the source material (or telling a coherent narrative at all).

Kisa and Hiro show up to see the play and are just as adorable as always (much as Hiro would resent such a remark).

Hiro: What play are they doing again?

Momiji: It’s Cinderella-ish!

Hiro: …What do you mean “ish”…?

Apparently that’s just the title they settled on.

It’s never completely clear how much of the play was actually rewritten and how much of it is just being ad libbed (probably because SOME PEOPLE still didn’t bother to learn their lines…). Either way, the actors certainly manage to own their characters (to put it mildly).

Narrator: Cinderella’s stepmother was desperate to marry her daughter into royalty so she herself could live the good life.

Saki: This is terrible. I’m going to lose my sister just because some prince wanted to have a ball? I’ll make that prince pay…

Narrator: It seemed Cinderella was already deeply in love with a prince she had never met.

Even Hana-chan has an unusually personal stake in this story…

Well, it looks like some people got their money’s worth!

Yuki: O kind Cinderella, because you are so pure, I shall make every wish of yours come true tonight.

Saki: Oh, how lovely…burn the ballroom to ashes.

Yuki: That would be a crime…please make a wish that is a little softer and purer.

Mr. Fairy Godmother eventually manages to turn the story in the proper direction (that is, ball-ward).

Uo-chan was apparently cast as “fellow prince”, perhaps to keep her from laughing Kyo out of countenance.

Arisa: What are you sitting here brooding for, grumpypants? This shindig is for you. Go find yourself a maiden fair.

Kyo: Stuff it. I ain’t interested. Go find your own maiden fair.

Arisa: See, this is why you’re gonna die a virgin.

Kyo: How can you say a line like that and not blush!?

Poor Kyo just never gets a break.

Kyo: I pass on all of you! Dance with somebody else! I said I ain’t gonna dance, dammit!

Tohru: Ah, all right. I’m sorry for bothering you…

Narrator: It goes without saying that the prince coldly turned down the stepsister’s invitation as well. He turned her down!

Kyo: What…am I doing here?

And his chemistry with Hanajima is exactly what he predicted it would be (that is, extremely awkward).

Narrator: When the prince glimpsed Cinderella’s beauty, he fell head over heels in love and asked her to dance.

Kyo: No, he didn’t!

Narrator: I said he did, so he does.

He’s at least spared the pain of dancing with her, as Saki cuts to the chase and hands him the slipper at “midnight”.

Arisa: You can use this as a clue to track her down.

Kyo: What? Aw, come on, I ain’t interested…

Arisa: You’re telling me you have the chance to see her again and you’re just going to throw it away!? Think about all the people who want to see someone so badly, but they just can’t! They want to meet…they want to see him…! Come and see me, dammit!!

Yeah, poor Arisa isn’t quite okay, either…

And then Saki catches Kyo off guard by suggesting “the prince” came to propose to “the stepsister”.

Saki: Then what do you want to do? […] Do you intend to keep the wool pulled over your eyes for the rest of your life? To keep yourself locked up in the castle until the day you die?

Kyo: What’s it to you? Who am I hurting by doing that? Whatever the consequences, it’s my own fricking life –

Tohru: I-I don’t want that…! I would be very…Sorry! Never- never mind! Um, I shouldn’t have jumped in. Please, continue with the story…

I get the feeling Hana-chan orchestrated that intentionally for their benefit…

And then Yuki reappears to wrap up the play.

Saki: You finally showed up, hmm? My loyal servant…

Yuki: I’m not your servant, but it’s obvious to me that you’re never going to marry the prince. So I’ll ask you one more time. What is your true wish?

Saki: I wish to run a yakiniku restaurant with my big sister…

Yuki: Then you should support that venture, Prince.

Kyo: I thought you’re the one who’s supposed to be granting wishes!

Yuki: Prince. I won’t grant your wish. You need to make it come true yourself.

Narrator: And so Cinderella passed on the prince and opened a very successful yakiniku restaurant. Cinderella proved that a woman can live a bountiful life without getting married, and that is how she did live, happily ever after.

Well, I’ve heard it said that people express more by acting roles and speaking words written by someone else, but this is ridiculous.

Well, that was some drama.  And the play was amusing, too.

Until next time…