Someone’s trying to kill you?

This episode, we get some deeper insight into Nanami…and also more surreal humor involving animals!

We open with Nanami in nightmare situation for most women and girls: Being followed on a dark empty street!

So it’s pretty understandable that she goes to her brother for help.

Touga: Someone’s trying to kill you?

Nanami: This isn’t the first time! A flower pot almost fell on me, and some logs fell near me, and I almost fell down a staircase!

Mickey: Incredibly bad luck…

Nanami: Help me, Big Brother! I just know this is the work of someone who can’t stand how stylish and cute and popular and wonderful I am! I’m so scared…

Touga: If you really want my advice, I think you shouldn’t read so many detective novels, Nanami.

Nanami: That’s not-

Touga: Sorry, but I have important student council work, Excuse me.

And the boys don’t believe her. You know how I said she’s supposed to be a stand-in for the average girl? Both Mickey and Touga think she’s just being paranoid, when (spoilers) someone really IS putting her in danger!

Mickey eventually tries to help her sniff out a culprit (unclear if he’s just humoring her).

Mickey: Do you have any ideas? Have you done anything to anyone lately?

Nanami: How rude!

Keiko: She has, but nothing that could get traced back to her.

Aiko: Her policy is not to get her own hands dirty.

Mickey: Of course.

Nanami: You don’t have to agree with them! […] This is a real problem for me! At this moment, someone may be trying to kill me!

then utena hits her in the face with a baseball, so naturally she starts blaming her for everything

Utena: I’d never do anything like that! First of all, I have no motive to kill you.

Nanami: Well, okay, but I happen to know that my brother is interested in you.

Utena: He just likes to stick his nose where it doesn’t belong!

Then they find Touga and Anthy in the greenhouse with a “keep out” sign posted…and overhear a very suspicious conversation.

Touga: Why don’t you finish the job? They just can’t be allowed to live!

Anthy: But I can’t do it!

Touga: Are you afraid? The plan can’t be changed now. I want the killing done at once!

[…]

Touga: Now, do it! What’s the problem killing vermin like them?

Anthy: It’s not that. No matter how much you may hate something, a life is a life! Maybe, if we just wait, they’ll go away on their own.

Touga: You can’t be that naive.

And of COURSE Nanami thinks that means her brother wants her dead…

but she doesn’t stay to hear any explanation

Nanami: How could you, Big Brother? I know you’ve been cold to me lately, but do you really think I’m in your way now?

Touga: What do you mean?

Nanami: You fool!

And then she just runs off! But of course, Mickey and Utena actually stick around to hear the explanation, and discover that they were just talking about insect pests in the garden. I don’t know if the exchange sounds more natural (or at least more like a discussion about pest control) in Japanese, but either way, the damage is done.

Nanami: How could he? It’s too cruel! The one who wants to kill me is my own beloved brother! I wish I really were dead! I do!

but then a runaway horse appears IN THE HALLWAYS!

and then a blonde “prince” appears to rescue her

Utena: What? A prince appeared?

Mickey: Yeah. They say he saved her just in the nick of time.

Utena: Cool! That’s the sort of person I want to be!

This “prince” didn’t give his name…but it turns out he DID give her a handkerchief with his name on it, so that works almost as well.

Mickey: But I didn’t think there was a “prince” in this school who could impress Nanami so much.

Utena: She has really high standards, doesn’t she?

It turns out this “prince” is so mysterious because he doesn’t go to the same school…he’s at the ELEMANTARY school.

Nanami: Mitsuru Tsuwabuki-kun?

Tsuwabuki: Yes?

Nanami: […] Tsuwabuki-kun, please, will you go out with me?

a truly shocking turn of events

But then the shadow girls show up with a skit about camping!

Evidently, in Japan, instead of making s’mores, it’s tradition to make curry when you have a campfire…

Girl A: Wait, there’s all this hard, undercooked rice in here.

Girl B: And parts of it are all burned.

Girl A: And the curry has so little roux, it’s like water!

Girl B: You really consider this a delicacy?

Girl A: Oh, come on! This sweet air is the best seasoning of all!

The point here seems to be that just because something has been done a certain way, doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s automatically “good”. Like a girl dating a boy just because it’s the way things are done!

Utena: Dating an elementary school kid…

Mickey: I doubt she’s serious. Her real target is Touga-senpai.

Utena: The student council president?

Mickey: This might be bad…

Utena: […] Aren’t she and the president brother and sister?

Mickey: All in all, she has a real brother complex. Since he’s the one guy in the world who’s always been close to her, Touga-senpai’s the only man she really wants. Everyone else is just dregs to her. […] But it looks like this whole incident may be the answer. She thinks her only brother has betrayed her.

Utena: It’s because she overreacts to everything.

We won’t get into her real feelings about Touga for quite a while, but suffice it to say, she doesn’t really seem to be interested in him sexually. As Mickey said, he’s the only guy who’s that close to her, so he’s just the “safe option” for her. Significantly, neither her brother nor a grade schooler would be interested in her sexually. Many kids (especially girls) are uncomfortable thinking about sex as a part of romance, so Nanami chooses romantic options who won’t sexualize her. She IS only thirteen, after all.

Mickey and Utena note that they look more like brother and sister than a proper couple…but then she also treats him as her servant.

and now saionji’s randomly here

Utena: Is that how she treats her boyfriends?

Mickey: Who knows?

Saionji: No matter how you may be abused, you’re always happy to be near the one you love. That is one form of love. Love can take many different forms. For example, the love Anthy and I share is a hidden love. Hidden love…

Utena: No one asked you.

yeah, he’s kinda a loser

Then, when Nanami’s male classmates chew her out for dating a grade schooler, she just sics Tsuwabuki on them, which is surprisingly effective (despite the fact that he gets pretty beat up, too).

But that’s enough to convince Utena to finally step in.

Utena: Now I see what you’re really like, Nanami. […] He practically killed himself fighting for you! But you just sat there and watched! He isn’t a boyfriend! You’re just using Tsuwabuki-kun as your bodyguard!

Nanami: Someone’s trying to kill me! For the brother I’ve always adored to do this…do you understand how that feels?

Mickey: Nanami-kun, you’ve got it all wrong-

Nanami: No, I’ve got it all right! Tsuwabuki is my boyfriend! I’m free to treat him any way I choose!

Mickey: Wouldn’t “lackey” be more appropriate than “boyfriend”?

Then Nanami seemingly walks off in a huff, leaving Tsuwabuki to finally explain himself.

Tsuwabuki: I don’t mind. I wanted to be her boyfriend, after all.

Utena: Tsuwabuki-kun, why…why are you doing all this for her?

Tsuwabuki: Fate brought us together. […] Nanami-san doesn’t seem to remember, but we met a while before this.

My, but Nanami seems to have a long history of random animals threatening her…

Anyhow, Tsuwabuki witnessed Touga taking down a loose bull when Nanami was younger, and much like with Utena and her prince, set out to become just like him.

Tsuwabuki: After that, all I did was practice to be a cool big brother like that guy I saw. And then, finally, I got my big chance!

Utena: You wanted to be a big brother, not a boyfriend?

Tsuwabuki: But Nanami-san didn’t remember me. After all the times I rehearsed meeting her so she’d remember…[…] Oh, well, no choice. I’ll have to put her in danger again.

Why, yes! Tsuwabuki just comes out and admits to them that HE WAS BEHIND THE ATTACKS ON NANAMI!

Mickey: You mean you’re the one behind the flowerpot falling, and the logs falling, and what happened on the stairs?

Tsuwabuki: Yeah. So I could save her in the nick of time. That’s how a big brother’s supposed to act. Of course, I couldn’t tell Nanami-san about any of this.

Nanami: In other words, a self-made one-man show. So, you’ve told me everything!

Utena: Don’t be mad at him! It’s just something a kid would do.

Mickey: You know! Youthful enthusiasm getting the better of him!

Nanami: I don’t care! Thanks to you, I called my big brother a fool!

I mean, I’d be more upset about fearing for my life, but I guess that’s also legitimate! But the main difference between him and Utena is that he specifically wanted to be recognized for his “heroism”, whereas Utena just wants to do the right thing. It’s troubling behavior, even for a kid, and it doesn’t seem as if he’s actually learned his lesson.

then a wild boxing kangaroo appears (which clearly wasn’t what tsuwabuki had planned)

He tries to protect Nanami anyway, but this is a foe too great for his abilities.

Tsuwabuki: (internally) I’m going to be Nanami-san’s big brother. (aloud) Nanami-san.

Nanami: Run, you idiot!

Tsuwabuki: But I-

Nanami: My brother’s my brother, and you’re you! I won’t cry for you if you die doing this! “Why”, you ask? Because, Tsuwabuki, I really need guys like you to work for me! I can’t just let you get killed!

then touga comes in and levels the kangaroo

And with that misunderstanding with her brother cleared up, Nanami can just get back to normal, not having learned a thing!

Nanami: Tsuwabuki?

Tsuwabuki: Yes?

Nanami: Let’s break up.

Tsuwabuki: Sure! Now that we’ve broken up, I want to be adopted into your family. If I can’t be your big brother, maybe I could be your little one.

Nanami: Big Brother, you really are the only one for me!

Next time: We finally learn what Juri’s deal is…