We’re in Heck, people! Let’s have some fun!

I may have my gripes with Harry Potter, but at least one clear moral can be gleaned: DON’T JUST DO RANDOM SPELLS BY SHADY DUDES!

Guess what Luz is doing?

Luz: I started going through Philip Wittebane’s diary again, Since my trip with Lilith, I found that a lot of his margin doodles are actually unfinished glyph combos. I thought maybe they could help with the portal door, but…no luck.

The glyphs result in anything from “kind of cool” to “WHY GOD WHY” (like the monster arm or PETRIFICATION). Luz doesn’t know that he’s Belos, but she at least knows that he’s totally sketch.

Eda: Maybe it’s for the best. I don’t like that you’re still thinking about that creep.

Luz: I know. I just miss my mom.

Eda: Let’s take a break, huh? Maybe I could tell you…a story?

Luz: Like a backstory kind of story?

Eda: Yes.

That’s just the kind of distraction she needs to get her mind off her failures!

These guys are just too precious.

Eda: This is the story of how I met the coolest, baddest, kick-buttiest witch of all time, Raine Whispers.

Naturally, it all starts with her and Lilith plotting their careers in the Emperor’s Coven.

Lilith: Imagine us both getting in. We’ll train together.

Eda: We’ll prank together!

Lilith: We’ll study ancient history together.

Eda: We’ll kick butt together!

Lilith: Help demons and witches together!

Eda: Take over the world together! Nothing can stop the Clawthorne sisters! Our rivals shall be crushed beneath our feet! Even the Titan shall gasp in fear!

Yep, that sure is Eda and Lily!

Eda gets in trouble because she was too busy worrying about Lilith (and the secrecy of the detention hideout) to avoid being caught.

Faust: Miss Clawthorne, do you know why I keep you around?

Eda: My innate talents, my unbeatable charm?

Faust: All your misdeeds, pranks, schemes, they have given me insight into the depravity that lurks within the minds of children. […] You’re close with your sister Lilith, I see. Plan on trying out for the Emperor’s Coven together? Commendable.

Eda: Yeah, I do kind of rule.

Faust: Too bad you’ll be ineligible, when I expel you!

Eda: What? You can’t do that, I’ll be separated from Lily!

Faust: Maybe you should have thought of that before you filled the detention pit with green gelatin.

Eda: It was his birthday! He liked it! Please, Principal Faust, I’ll do anything.

If Eda is your definition of evil, then you really shouldn’t be running a school, because she’s just full of chaos and mischief, not evil.

So, in order to avoid expulsion, she agrees to go with Bump (currently vice-principal) to some sort of annual educational program, because evidently Faust already expelled all the best students, anyway.

Eda: I can’t believe I agreed to this.

Bump: This will be fine. Perfectly fine. You can go five minutes without setting anything on fire, right? I know you have a reputation around school, but I just see a talented young witch! And I’ll wager those stories about you turning the school inside out are just urban legends.

Eda: Ha! That was a fun day.

There are so many stories they didn’t get to tell about Eda’s school life…

Terra: Greetings students, educators. My name is Terra Snapdragon, head witch of the Plant Coven. But today, I’m head proctor for the…IFWOT? Seriously? I’m here to Help Enhance Coven Knowhow. Welcome to HECK!

Yeah, with her, it’s bound to be interesting…if only because she keeps threatening to kill the students.

Kid: Not again!

This poor kid…but of course Eda just did an illusion as a prank.

Raine: I don’t know who you are, but you are a riot.

Eda: Uh, no, I excel at functions such as these. Didn’t you see how impressed everyone was when I faked my death? I even love the horrid liquids they serve.

Raine: Yeah, they always give us the off-brand junk. Let me try something.

Then they whistle into it.

Raine: Don’t worry, I didn’t spit in it.

Eda: Woah! Hey, that’s actually good. How’d you change the flavor?

Raine: Little trick I taught myself: Changing the chemistry of a liquid with sound waves. See? Bard magic can be cool, people just don’t give it a shot!

Eda: Alright, I get it. If you whistle loud enough, can you make all this less of a drag?

Raine: I wish. This is my third time. Always the same boring activities, same boring faces.

Eda: Til wittle old me?

So they team up, both to make the event more tolerable and so that they can tell her what she needs to win a ribbon.

THESE TWO!!

Eda: Why do you come here? You’re not like the other kids. You’re…I don’t know, you’re cool.

Raine: St. Epiderm isn’t cheap, but if I make the school look good, I get a scholarship. What about you?

Eda: I made a deal with the devil. Our principal’s gonna expel me unless I come back with a ribbon.

Raine: Chance at redemption?

Eda: Nah, I think I’m being used to embarrass our vice principal. As if he doesn’t do that to himself already. It stinks, but I’ve got a sister at Hexside. She’s kind of my only friend. It’d be a bummer if that got taken away.

So, they head to the closing ceremony, where the ribbons are handed out.

Terra: Congratulations, students. It seems nearly everyone earned a ribbon. You must be so proud of yourselves! Well, you shouldn’t be. This training camp is a joke. There was nothing challenging about those challenges! […] Before we hand out any ribbons, I think we need one more activity. We’ll play my personal favorite game, Covens vs. Wilds.

This is another pretty overt reference to Harry Potter, specifically the Triwizard Tournament, which, if they’d really meant it to be a chance to foster camaraderie between magic schools, might’ve looked more like this event (it certainly brought two students from different schools together).

Terra: Enjoying the show?

Bump: Yes…well, your “show” is actually in violation of several school rules, convention hall safety guidelines, and child safety acts. I’m sure it’s an honest mistake, so why don’t we just stop this activity and-

Terra: I make the rules, sweet pea.

And this is why Hexside is, in general, better than Hogwarts: Because Bump actually cares about the wellbeing of all the students! And there are child safety laws! Even if SOME PEOPLE choose to ignore them.

Anyhow, Eda and Raine end up on opposite sides, and they’re the last ones standing.

Terra: An interesting development. A showdown, perhaps? Let’s give them plenty of room to fight!

But then they turn on Terra, the one who was making kids fight in the first place.

Terra: Never a rose without a few thorns, I see.

Eda: Yeah, well, we got tired of your stupid little challenge.

Raine: And your plant puns.

Terra: Delightful! Feisty witches do make the best leaders. I especially like you, sprout. But I can’t reward disbedience, so everyone is poisoned. That’s illegal, too? Fine. Instead, no one gets a ribbon this year. Everyone loses.

It is a little creepy that she took such an interest in Raine at a young age, but we won’t get into that.

Bump: Eda, I am so proud of you! But also, I think we’re toast. My career is over, and you’ll be expelled and probably end up selling garbage at the night market, but what a way to go!

But Terra intervenes on their behalves, so they can return to Hexside even without a ribbon.

Eda: Raine? What are you doing here? Oh no! Your scholarship.

Raine: Don’t worry, I wanted to transfer out of Epiderm anyway, and apparently my parents always hated the cold on the Knee.

So it worked out for everyone!

d’awww

Eda: Oh, Raine, you better be okay.

And now, we finally get to see what’s up with Raine!

Terra: Ah, there you are, sprout. You know, I was just heartbroken when I found out it was you, of all people, causing trouble for the covens. But look how well you’re doing now.

And they’re whistling into the “tea” Terra gives them…

So, it turns out they’ve just been pretending to be brainwashed while plotting with Darius to counteract whatever Belos is trying to do with the Day of Unity.

Raine: A draining spell? This is worse than we thought. Any way to counter?

Raine: I told you, I’m not putting her in danger again. We’ll figure something else out.

They’re pretending partly to escape suspicion from Belos, but also to protect Eda, because she still means a lot to them. But it’s pretty much inevitable that the two of them are gonna rebel against authority again, one way or another.

Raine: I’ll keep you safe, Eda. I promise.

This is the last deep breath before we plunge into the final conflict…

Next time…